Life is taking care of you
Once a music therapist, Ocean moved from the Netherlands to Ecuador about 4 years ago, leaving everything behind, including her freshly divorced husband. She now lives in Vilcabamba, surrounded by a huge garden together with her daughter and her family, taking a lot of walks in the nearby mountains and enjoying life.
Actually I wanted to write „successful music therapist“, but this is what she wrote me after checking the text: „I am not, it happened by itself. People trusted in the beautiful vibration of this instrument, the Monochord. I did nothing, they were healing themselves, I was generating this vibration. Only afterwards I realized that it ‘s healing me too. They were all healing there own bodies and minds, problems, themselves. So really, this true for me, thank you for understanding. Nothing belongs to me.“
What is the most important thing in your life, what do you get up for in the morning?
That´s life itself. There is only happiness and nothing to suffer for me anymore. I enjoy getting up without thinking of anything I should do, what I must do. I found nothing else than only nature, the spirit of the nature, I also call it the holy spirit. The holy spirit was with me all my life, but I did not understand it, I could not connect it to my life the way they expressed it in my time. Now I see different holy spirits, all is very true for me. And I really live for this, for nothing else. Every morning when I get up I get down on my knees and I thank the holy spirit for all the days of giving.
And how did you find it, what changed?
Somebody stepped in my life via the internet. I was looking at his site and immediately I knew: „That´s for me! He is for me!“. About 3 years ago I found his website by accident, or rather it found me, I have more the feeling it found me. Sometimes of course I doubt a little bit, but when I see what is happening I have to laugh…
I´m curious, what is it about?
It is a man, his name is Mooji, you can google it. He is special for me, you know, not for everybody, I am not going to say „oh, you have to go and see him“. No, he is perfect for ME. He was immediately so resonating in my heart, he was not talking to my mind. And I thought „That´s amazing!“ It was like coming home, really home. I felt that my whole life, also as a little kid, I was a stranger in the night for the whole family and now I can imagine why.
Wow, that´s powerful. Is he a teacher?
He is a master (of Advaita), not a teacher. He says „I am pointing you to your right place, and that´s for me the most powerful thing to do.“ His vibrations resonate with me, you know, it is not that I have to learn but I have to absorb all that he is saying. And I am more and more aware and more conscious about what is life. Many times he said: „Life is taking care of you.“ It took time for me to understand this, and indeed when I think that life will take care of me life IS taking care of me.
What is the best decision you ever made?
The divorce from my husband. When I left him I said: „It is not you.“ I could see that at that time, that is now several years ago, I was already aware of my situation. And I said: „It is not you but it is me. It is my decision and there is nothing wrong with me but there is something in me. I have to go.“ So we decided to split up for 3 months, and I left. And on the third day there was a light in me, so big and so great and I said: „I will never go back. That is the end of the story.“ And the happiness was so great! I never felt like that before. Many times… I was not exactly depressed but… when getting out of bed it was like : „ah, another day…“ dragging along somehow… But from that day on I always got up filled with joy.
I felt also not enough for him. We very much the same, we were 50 years together, but growing out of the relationship. Yeah, 50 years… I was 16. Until… 65… almost 50 years. And that was the beginning of my exploring, traveling. I travelled to Bali to visit the family for one month. At that time he was hating me but that passed by. Now we have a really friendly connection.
You know, I was born during the war in 1944, and people were sitting in the shelters, fearfully. So I had a lot of fear in my life. I was always fighting against fear. But now I know fear, I know that it´s nothing. I am not attached to my body. I am good with my body, but if something is going on I don´t fear to lose my body. I know there is something else in me that will stay. So why suffer? And I can really look forward to death. I still enjoy life, but when it will come… and I talk about this a lot with my family… don´t you suffer for me. I had the greatest life that can be! And also the discoveries I made in the last years… that is the most exciting. I think grace brought me here and grace is also part of the holy spirit.
To what do you attribute your well-being here, being so far away from your native background in the Netherlands?
It is this place. The first time I came here I felt a vibration and I thought: „Oh, this is the place where I will live.“ Nature. The stillness. The mountains. You can walk out of the house and go to the mountains. You don´t have to wait for anybody. I don´t have many friends, I am my own friend. And of course I have the family around me. I am so happy on my own.
What have you done that you’re most proud to have achieved?
I did nothing. It was all happening through me. Can you elaborate on that? You were a successful music therapist, you have travelled the world… this is of no importance to you? No no no, I saw myself always as a servant, nothing to be proud of. With the help of the music I started to learn to listen to my very strong intuitive feelings. With the music it came out. When I was healing all the people I always felt like I did nothing, it was the high spirit through me. So powerful!
But you said that you discovered the holy spirit only 3 years ago.
Yes, but in a different way. There was another feeling for life in me. And also I was reading a lot: Eckart Tolle and Byron Katie and Wayne Dyer, and it was all resonating with me. But he (Mooji) is the final stage for me.
What advice would you give to your 20 year old self?
Follow your heart, not your mind. While the mind always tells you a story that is not true, what comes from your heart is always true. The mind is a serpent sometimes, very sneaky.
Getting a divorce after almost 50 years of marriage in order to follow your newly discovered path in life… wow!
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